I read every word while still having the thought in my head throughout it all - THIS is what she's trying to tell us in all of her courses. THIS is how we should write! My coffee got cold, my neck is a stiff and my eyes are blurry from leaning into my laptop at o'dark thirty in the morning. But it was (as always) worth my cold cup of coffee. THIS is how we should write everything. Thank you from Montana!
V!!!! How much money do you want to post this comment on everything I write??? 😂😂😂 ALSO: your new writing venture! I see it! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! 🍾🎈🎉 How very cool.
Holy shit. This is the second time this has happened. You send an email about a place, and I am literally in said place (the first was Lisbon). Well, kind of this time. I am currently typing this from Omaha, Nebraska. I'm staying downtown, and so far the standout feature is how quiet it is and the number of parking garages. How about next time you send an email, it's from the Maldives or something? ;)
NO WAY!!!! Haaaahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ALSO went to Omaha—only to the historic area—but I had to pick my battles here. What are you doing there?!?!
The horses and competition are great, but... I could have stayed home and saved $327 in DoorDash fees and back pain from hanging out in my bed for so long LOL... lesson learned!
Okay well this just keeps getting creepier: I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GET INTO HORSES. Not even kidding. I have no idea how I’m going to wear my pearls and ride but it’s happening. 😂 Whattttttttt
😂😂😂 welllll I am your person for horses! Find a hunter/jumper barn and take some lessons! Be warned: if you fall in love you’ll need a large trust fund and/or a famous parent like Bill Gates, Springsteen, or Steve Jobs.
The cities they choose are amazing and the events are really well run. I went to the Prague final in November and it was incredible. I might go again this year.
Riding horses is the only exercise that doesn’t feel like torture to me, so I definitely recommend it if you are similarly put off by running or yoga. 😂
Say no more: that last line there is a real clincher! Funny, there is a place near our place in Costa Rica but the horses here seem so delicate I’m always like Jesus I’d break the poor thing’s back. But somehow, horses and I like each other, so I’m gonna investigate. 😈
Hey Ash, I have only visited Iowa once to see my husband's brother and his wife. She grew up in Cedar Rapids. I was worried it was going to be all corn field and hicks. I was ready with jokes in hand.... but I was soooo wrong. It was hip and happening. Great bike paths with breweries along the way. Wineries with decent wine. This Phoenican even found an acceptable margarita in town. Surprise....surpise. Really enjoyed reading <3
When discussing the midwest plus meat, one cannot dismiss the goodness that is the "loose meat sandwich", also known as a "tavern sandwich." Iowa has Maid-Rite, Kansas (particularly, Wichita) has NuWay, Independence, Missouri has Mugs Up. I'm sure there are more, but these are the places I've personally enjoyed the sandwich. While the sandwiches are typically midwest-only fare, they were made known across the US of A during a series of Roseanne episodes (1992) when she opened a loose meat sandwich joint on the show.
For all the flaws we have in Missouri, I rather like it too. We certainly have some gems here. Two of my faves are St. Joseph and Hermann. St. Joseph is up in tobacco country (Missouri has a rich tobacco history) and there is beautiful land up there, as well as a very charming downtown area. Hermann is a tourist town with rich German heritage; a beautiful place to visit for wineries, brewhouses and great food and atmosphere.
Thank you for this wonderful read, and the profound conclusions you come to. You should come to Las Vegas- everyone here is from somewhere else, everyone has an interesting story, and nothing shocks. I’ve found it’s a town that you can make yourself into absolutely anything you want to be.
Ohhhh boy, the things I could write! I loved this and kept thinking yep, yep and exactly. I did keep waiting for you to get to Chicago. Liberal. Great Lake. Great wine and food and rooftops. Friendly anonymity is how I’ve always described what I like about it. Tho, I do think you could say that about most big cities.
This is what I know as a midwesterner who’s tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out.... still trying. 😅
I grew up in a tiny town west of Chicago. My dad was the only dad who worked in the city though. The only dad at my games in a suit. No judgement. It just gave us a different perspective. Our 8th grade class trip was to Chicago (1 hour away) and girls had butter knives in their purses. 🤦🏻♀️
My parents were also true Iowans. Small town West Bend the home of The Grotto-- the story of Christ told in stones, a true grotto -- actually pretty amazing but still. A local priest spent his lifetime building it. My mom’s summer job was as a tour guide.
Growing up “in the woods” playing in our creek and being able to do and be everything in HS because our school was so small. It was a great childhood. Even driving 8 hours to family in Iowa for the Fourth parade and street dance. For 8 hours all you see in every direction is corn fields.
You grow up, you go away to college and then you see it. You’re right. The nice is actually obedience. Following the rules. Don’t be different tho -- they don’t like that. Don’t get me wrong. There are good people here. But there are good people everywhere.
We raised our kids in a wealthy white suburb of Chicago. Get 30 minutes outside the city and nice people like to keep it white. We also lived in MN (where we learned that yes MN nice can be patronizing.) there’s a lot of judging happening in the Midwest when it comes to outsiders. But then I’m making generalizations. If the Midwest is one big swath of flyover communities I grew up in a drive through community -- you know the towns on two lane highways you’d only stop for gas? Only, I didn’t realize it was until I moved away.
(Kum & Go’s have the worst name ever and if you ever go back to Iowa you need to visit Okoboji it’s a huge lake town lots of fun and my parents retired there and ... then there are trump signs)
And ..My fav small town of all time thus far in the Midwest is Marine on St Croix, MN population 600. Liberal, artists, musicians, and CEOs & entrepreneurs. Mixes of income levels. The oldest general store, a bar with live music where all the bikers (Harley’s) stop all summer. A river to play in. Our kids school had one hallway. None of my friends were mirror images of each other. It was an amazing 6 years there.
Now I’m outside the Chicago border in oak park. I’m moving downtown this summer and will probably always have a place here. But I long to find or create community in lots of places.
I guess what I want to say is that every city/country I vacation to whether NY, San Francisco, Denver, Sedona, Mexico, Spain, Italy -- I go on a run and runners wave to each other everywhere. A nod or slight hand gesture. When we had a Jeep we learned that Jeep owners wave to each other on the road. It’s a thing. And you nailed it with belonging. Find one commonality and it starts from there. Everywhere.
Ahhhhh, YES!!!! I *actually* had intended to write about both Galena, Illinois and Chicago in this post—but for space considerations, decided to write about it separately this coming Saturday instead. Stay tuned: this was a real turning point for me. (I had been to Chicago before, but C had never been, so I got to see it through his eyes, too—and through this new lens of "could I live here?" We're looking for our next property investment, so I've been looking at everything through that lens, and it inspired this column.)
Your childhood growing up "in the woods" and playing in the creek and being able to do everything because your high school was so small EXACTLY describes my own childhood in rural Northeast Pennsylvania. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I mean, I guess I did trade it for the world? Haha. But, I'd do my childhood over again 1,000 times. I'm really grateful to the area for the way it raised me: we didn't have to worry about the things that many other people do.
Maine on St. Croix! Going to add this to my official list—making a list of all the places people recommend so we can have it as a community. LOVE THIS, Jenn. THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE THIS! 💥
Marine on St. Croix! Such a sweet little town. We live just north of there, but the whole St. Croix Valley is gorgeous with a funny little personality. We landed in MN after our multi-month road-trip from Seattle looking for a new home and ended up in thenTwin Cities (for a lot of the reasons you love Chicago—progressive, good food, good beer, GREAT arts funding) and then migrated to a little town because we fell in love with the St Croix Valley. Love it! Also, and this is way further off the beaten track but have you been to Grand Marais on the North Shore of Lake Superior? Total hidden gem.
"Tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out...."SO MUCH THIS. But it's like quicksand. Or some kind of addictive substance, I feel like. I remember Ash on he Commune podcast saying that Midwesterners feel included by excluding outsiders, and I feel like that's mostly accurate, at least in the tiny towns. The larger cities are friendlier than the dive towns--probably because they have some vibrance, possibility, and hope! And I'm not much for 4th of July parades but FM Pride and Twin Cities Pride are pretty fun!
You reminded me of when I worked in Ogallala Nebraska (off and on) for a couple years. (Yes it's a real place in western Nebraska.) The farmers I worked with were good humans, and smart businessmen. Most of the kids left town as soon as they could. The prime rib was incredible.
Got a rental car stuck in a mud puddle in a cornfield. In the days before cellphones, you had to figure out how to solve problems like that on your own. I pulled up the annual sunflowers from the edges of the fields, shoved them underneath the tires and was able to get myself, and the car, unstuck. Both of us were impressively muddy. That prime rib sure was good eatin'.
So I had to create an account just to comment - and, girl, I feel ya. I grew up in small town Alabama and this post feels eerily similar to a lot of my own experiences. I cannot even begin to illustrate all of the parallels between this article and my own reality. Everything from the brain drain, to mindless obedience, to having to behave or dress a certain way to fit in... etc. I'm just like you in a sense, looking for the real people with the real personalities. I will say, I feel seen. I'm not the only person on the planet like this. Thank you for this article. I read the whole thing, and while I'm not much of a writer at all, I do feel inspired. Because let me tell you, I have a whole lifetime of crazy stories to tell!
You know, Alabama is one place I only drove through briefly once in 2010, but have been meaning to do the Deep South over again. I was recently impressed in Georgia by how friendly everyone was, but haven’t gone past there for some time.
Did you ever read The Lost Continent? Bill Bryson drove across American looking for the perfect town. The first two sentences are "I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to." You might enjoy it.
OHHHHH! I remember that line! Did not remember that was the theme of the book. Must revisit. My favorite book by him is called AT HOME, where he uses everyday objects found around the house to tell the story of how they came to be. (Like beds! Fascinating!)
I love At Home. I love everything he writes, and I was thinking as I was reading this (excellent) piece that you write like Bill Bryson writes (making me giggle and think at the same time), and that is probably one of the highest compliments I could give a humour writer!
Indeed high praise! I LOVE Billiam. Now I just need to have a library named after me in a university. 😂😂😂 (He has Bill Bryson Library at Durham. I drove by there once, saw it, and had to look up the backstory!)
I am a born and raised midwesterner- little further south than where you were though down in Topeka, KS area. (Don’t come to Topeka, we do not have any of the wonderful things you seek except bangs (I can only say this as a certainty because I am a hairstylist.) Anywho, the Midwest is nice.
We don’t have Kum and Go’s in my area but the gas station clerks here know me basically by name and it’s not uncommon to get caught up in conversations that take entirely too long. I think it’s nice though - some of my most interesting conversations have happened while trying to leave a gas station - kinda a highlight of boring slow midwestern life I suppose.
Kansas City has a neat lock bridge that lovers leave locks on. And several neat little neighborhoods with cool shops and bars. Lawrence, KS is lovely for shopping on Mass. St. and nice locals and being a little bit of a hippy town. There’s some nice little vineyards around too - mostly west and south of Topeka. Wyldewood being the most notable.
So, I’d say yes - Midwest nice is a thing, maybe a little bit more so in Kansas than Nebraska or Iowa or perhaps it’s a being a local thing. Definitely a Lawrence KS thing in my opinion.
PS - Topeka isn’t worth a stop. It’s a black hole storms don’t even like to pass through. Seriously. The big ones always break up or go around Topeka. It’s probably because we have the Phelps and a bad meth issue here. But we also have the Lamp Post Dancer and an entire FB page devoted to WTF things happening around town. So I can’t say it’s not interesting… just not interesting in the way I would want to encourage anyone to come visit.
(I’ve managed to find home in a small town about 20 min away from the crazy but unfortunately that means I still work and do most everything in crazy town). For now.
This is AWESOME. I keep hearing about Kansas City--and will put Lawrence on the radar too! I’m on the hunt to find the world’s most livable towns that make you feel happy and proud to live in, and I do think the Midwest region has a lot to offer. Just gotta find it! 🌟 Thank you for taking the time to write! (Also, THANK GOD YOU DO BANGS!!!! Lol hair is seriously the bane of my existence.)
Sadly, I have to agree about Topeka. You might think the government of the state capitol of Kansas might spend a little more time and effort cleaning up the place… I get sad whenever I drive down Wanamaker or over into “downtown” - Topeka has no charm and it COULD! But, at least there is Runza.
Also I need to know where you find good Runza in Topeka. I had never even heard of it/had it till my bf mom gave me a recipe for a Runza casserole and we made it. (I must not be a good midwesterner since I’ve always lived here and never once had it.)
Please forgive me, as it would appear the Runza restaurant in Topeka is no longer open. Looks like the Lawrence Runza is the lone surviving location in the state of Kansas. Let's put one more checkbox in the "Reasons To Be Sad About Topeka" column.
So that’s another one for “Go to Lawrence Instead”! Lawrence now has nicer people, Runza, and better shopping. Thank you! Will have to make it a point to get over to Lawrence and check out that Runza place.
You're so not wrong. I have to laugh anytime I see news featuring the common prank of someone planting a tree in a pothole because it's been a pothole since the Reagan era.
Would you be so kind as to share the FB page of WTF things around your town? Your description could not embody the idea I, as an Australian, have of midwestern America more. I mainly gain this view from Small Town Murder and I irreverent writings of travellers, such as Ms Ambirge. It's on my bucket list to drive across the midwest, just because :)
I live in Nebraska. I grew up in IA. I have lived on the West coast. I have worked in Manhattan. Sorry you didn’t “feel” warm. I felt you came in with a Pre-judgement and you judged. Makes me sad. We are all people. Need to find the joy in everyday. I have loved reading and learning from you but was disappointed this time. By the way, we know we are a “fly” over state/region. We are ok with that!
Awwww, but I loved Lincoln! That's why I was hoping more people who actually live there could offer some perspective. Especially because it seems like the region has a lot to offer and is growing.
This post rocked. I grew up in Missouri, and then lived in Seattle for quite a few years. In 2015 my partner and I decided to sell our house in South Seattle and go on the hunt for a more affordable place to live. We packed a couple bags and the dog in the car and went on the road for seven-ish months, staying in towns across the country for a couple weeks at a time to "test drive" them. We ended up back in the Midwest, north of where your tour took you, in the Twin Cities. I love it here but will confess, the Minnesota Nice (does every state have a Nice?) was confusing on a lot of levels. Seattle was the city of introverts. We lived in the same neighborhood for five years, took the dog on the same walk/run every day, saw the same neighbors and no one ever made eye contact much less introduced themselves. They have a name for that, too, BTW, it's the Seattle Freeze. The first week we were in MN a guy at a coffee shop said good morning and I was like "wtf dude, I'm married back off..." My partner nearly spit out his coffee, he was like "he's just being nice you wacko." People are polite, but also incredibly passive aggressive. The complete lack of direct communication is baffling. I've learned to translate Minnesota-speak, but it's taken a concentrated effort and people don't know what to do with me when I address conflict directly. I also think it's worse in the Upper Midwest than where I grew up, though maybe I just didn't notice it as a young person.
Well as a true blooded corn huskin Lincolnite lol. I almost peed my pants about three times in this post. First, I'm so proud of how brave and open minded you were going into this. IMPRESSIVE!!! BUT I have to ask.... DID YOU GET A RUNZA?? DID YOU TRY VALENTINOS PIZZA?? WHAT ABOUT AMIGOS!!! Those (and the Omaha Zoo) are the real beacons of 'The Good Life, Nebraska.'
Lol, It's so funny one of my besties sent me your blog knowing I'm 'corn fed.' But what she didn't know is, I'll be taking my first trip back home since 2017. I have been living in a much faster paced land full of creative, outspoken, sassy, cross dressing, tik toking influencers... CALIFORINA.
San Diego to be exact. AND BOY did I realize how SLOW everything was back in Nebraska. It will be very interesting to see how things have and have not changed. I'll keep you posted!!!!!
As soon as you said you were driving from Colorado to Iowa, I knew what was going to happen. You were going to pass through Nebraska. I couldn't wait to hear about your experience, and it didn't disappoint. I was born in Lincoln, and grew up in the Western end of the state, and now I live in Austin, of course. At one point I moved back to live in my grandma's basement for a summer. She might be related to the winery owner. Barely 5' tall, fluffy white hair permed on the regular, and always insisted on getting the check for lunch....at Runza! I can't believe you didn't go to a RUNZA!! It's the best. It's like a hamburger, but with the bun wrapping all the way around, and instead of lettuce, you have roasted cabbage and onion (+cheese?) on the inside. In Lincoln, did you stop by the Mill for coffee? I went there every morning to study and have a Granita (frozen cold brew + milk) before going to work at "The Night Before Lounge." It was the last great summer of my adulthood, sigh. And the real estate! You could buy a Victorian mansion close to downtown for, like, a hundred dollars.
Baaahahahahah!!! *waves enthusiastically out the window right back at you!!! With a soft pretzel in my mouth!!!!! And HUGE sunglasses!!!!*
ALSO, AWEBER?!? No way!
I read every word while still having the thought in my head throughout it all - THIS is what she's trying to tell us in all of her courses. THIS is how we should write! My coffee got cold, my neck is a stiff and my eyes are blurry from leaning into my laptop at o'dark thirty in the morning. But it was (as always) worth my cold cup of coffee. THIS is how we should write everything. Thank you from Montana!
V!!!! How much money do you want to post this comment on everything I write??? 😂😂😂 ALSO: your new writing venture! I see it! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! 🍾🎈🎉 How very cool.
Holy shit. This is the second time this has happened. You send an email about a place, and I am literally in said place (the first was Lisbon). Well, kind of this time. I am currently typing this from Omaha, Nebraska. I'm staying downtown, and so far the standout feature is how quiet it is and the number of parking garages. How about next time you send an email, it's from the Maldives or something? ;)
NO WAY!!!! Haaaahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!! We ALSO went to Omaha—only to the historic area—but I had to pick my battles here. What are you doing there?!?!
I am here for this: https://omaha2023.fei.org/overview
The horses and competition are great, but... I could have stayed home and saved $327 in DoorDash fees and back pain from hanging out in my bed for so long LOL... lesson learned!
Okay well this just keeps getting creepier: I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO GET INTO HORSES. Not even kidding. I have no idea how I’m going to wear my pearls and ride but it’s happening. 😂 Whattttttttt
😂😂😂 welllll I am your person for horses! Find a hunter/jumper barn and take some lessons! Be warned: if you fall in love you’ll need a large trust fund and/or a famous parent like Bill Gates, Springsteen, or Steve Jobs.
Jokes aside - if you want to go to a show, I HIGHLY recommend this: https://www.gcglobalchampions.com/
The cities they choose are amazing and the events are really well run. I went to the Prague final in November and it was incredible. I might go again this year.
Riding horses is the only exercise that doesn’t feel like torture to me, so I definitely recommend it if you are similarly put off by running or yoga. 😂
Say no more: that last line there is a real clincher! Funny, there is a place near our place in Costa Rica but the horses here seem so delicate I’m always like Jesus I’d break the poor thing’s back. But somehow, horses and I like each other, so I’m gonna investigate. 😈
Hey Ash, I have only visited Iowa once to see my husband's brother and his wife. She grew up in Cedar Rapids. I was worried it was going to be all corn field and hicks. I was ready with jokes in hand.... but I was soooo wrong. It was hip and happening. Great bike paths with breweries along the way. Wineries with decent wine. This Phoenican even found an acceptable margarita in town. Surprise....surpise. Really enjoyed reading <3
Ha! I also had a great margarita in Cedar Rapids once—I wonder if it was at the same place! 😂
When discussing the midwest plus meat, one cannot dismiss the goodness that is the "loose meat sandwich", also known as a "tavern sandwich." Iowa has Maid-Rite, Kansas (particularly, Wichita) has NuWay, Independence, Missouri has Mugs Up. I'm sure there are more, but these are the places I've personally enjoyed the sandwich. While the sandwiches are typically midwest-only fare, they were made known across the US of A during a series of Roseanne episodes (1992) when she opened a loose meat sandwich joint on the show.
I actually really like a lot of places in Missouri. It surprises me
For all the flaws we have in Missouri, I rather like it too. We certainly have some gems here. Two of my faves are St. Joseph and Hermann. St. Joseph is up in tobacco country (Missouri has a rich tobacco history) and there is beautiful land up there, as well as a very charming downtown area. Hermann is a tourist town with rich German heritage; a beautiful place to visit for wineries, brewhouses and great food and atmosphere.
That sounds great. I need to do a road trip of my own. I really don’t hate the Midwest, I’m just sick of ND lol.
Thank you for this wonderful read, and the profound conclusions you come to. You should come to Las Vegas- everyone here is from somewhere else, everyone has an interesting story, and nothing shocks. I’ve found it’s a town that you can make yourself into absolutely anything you want to be.
Oh, I've been there! I interviewed taxi drivers about what it was like to live in Vegas and heard the most fascinating stories!!!
Ohhhh boy, the things I could write! I loved this and kept thinking yep, yep and exactly. I did keep waiting for you to get to Chicago. Liberal. Great Lake. Great wine and food and rooftops. Friendly anonymity is how I’ve always described what I like about it. Tho, I do think you could say that about most big cities.
This is what I know as a midwesterner who’s tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out.... still trying. 😅
I grew up in a tiny town west of Chicago. My dad was the only dad who worked in the city though. The only dad at my games in a suit. No judgement. It just gave us a different perspective. Our 8th grade class trip was to Chicago (1 hour away) and girls had butter knives in their purses. 🤦🏻♀️
My parents were also true Iowans. Small town West Bend the home of The Grotto-- the story of Christ told in stones, a true grotto -- actually pretty amazing but still. A local priest spent his lifetime building it. My mom’s summer job was as a tour guide.
Growing up “in the woods” playing in our creek and being able to do and be everything in HS because our school was so small. It was a great childhood. Even driving 8 hours to family in Iowa for the Fourth parade and street dance. For 8 hours all you see in every direction is corn fields.
You grow up, you go away to college and then you see it. You’re right. The nice is actually obedience. Following the rules. Don’t be different tho -- they don’t like that. Don’t get me wrong. There are good people here. But there are good people everywhere.
We raised our kids in a wealthy white suburb of Chicago. Get 30 minutes outside the city and nice people like to keep it white. We also lived in MN (where we learned that yes MN nice can be patronizing.) there’s a lot of judging happening in the Midwest when it comes to outsiders. But then I’m making generalizations. If the Midwest is one big swath of flyover communities I grew up in a drive through community -- you know the towns on two lane highways you’d only stop for gas? Only, I didn’t realize it was until I moved away.
(Kum & Go’s have the worst name ever and if you ever go back to Iowa you need to visit Okoboji it’s a huge lake town lots of fun and my parents retired there and ... then there are trump signs)
And ..My fav small town of all time thus far in the Midwest is Marine on St Croix, MN population 600. Liberal, artists, musicians, and CEOs & entrepreneurs. Mixes of income levels. The oldest general store, a bar with live music where all the bikers (Harley’s) stop all summer. A river to play in. Our kids school had one hallway. None of my friends were mirror images of each other. It was an amazing 6 years there.
Now I’m outside the Chicago border in oak park. I’m moving downtown this summer and will probably always have a place here. But I long to find or create community in lots of places.
I guess what I want to say is that every city/country I vacation to whether NY, San Francisco, Denver, Sedona, Mexico, Spain, Italy -- I go on a run and runners wave to each other everywhere. A nod or slight hand gesture. When we had a Jeep we learned that Jeep owners wave to each other on the road. It’s a thing. And you nailed it with belonging. Find one commonality and it starts from there. Everywhere.
Ahhhhh, YES!!!! I *actually* had intended to write about both Galena, Illinois and Chicago in this post—but for space considerations, decided to write about it separately this coming Saturday instead. Stay tuned: this was a real turning point for me. (I had been to Chicago before, but C had never been, so I got to see it through his eyes, too—and through this new lens of "could I live here?" We're looking for our next property investment, so I've been looking at everything through that lens, and it inspired this column.)
Your childhood growing up "in the woods" and playing in the creek and being able to do everything because your high school was so small EXACTLY describes my own childhood in rural Northeast Pennsylvania. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I mean, I guess I did trade it for the world? Haha. But, I'd do my childhood over again 1,000 times. I'm really grateful to the area for the way it raised me: we didn't have to worry about the things that many other people do.
Maine on St. Croix! Going to add this to my official list—making a list of all the places people recommend so we can have it as a community. LOVE THIS, Jenn. THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE THIS! 💥
Marine on St. Croix! Such a sweet little town. We live just north of there, but the whole St. Croix Valley is gorgeous with a funny little personality. We landed in MN after our multi-month road-trip from Seattle looking for a new home and ended up in thenTwin Cities (for a lot of the reasons you love Chicago—progressive, good food, good beer, GREAT arts funding) and then migrated to a little town because we fell in love with the St Croix Valley. Love it! Also, and this is way further off the beaten track but have you been to Grand Marais on the North Shore of Lake Superior? Total hidden gem.
"Tried like hell to change the course of her family and get us out...."SO MUCH THIS. But it's like quicksand. Or some kind of addictive substance, I feel like. I remember Ash on he Commune podcast saying that Midwesterners feel included by excluding outsiders, and I feel like that's mostly accurate, at least in the tiny towns. The larger cities are friendlier than the dive towns--probably because they have some vibrance, possibility, and hope! And I'm not much for 4th of July parades but FM Pride and Twin Cities Pride are pretty fun!
You reminded me of when I worked in Ogallala Nebraska (off and on) for a couple years. (Yes it's a real place in western Nebraska.) The farmers I worked with were good humans, and smart businessmen. Most of the kids left town as soon as they could. The prime rib was incredible.
Got a rental car stuck in a mud puddle in a cornfield. In the days before cellphones, you had to figure out how to solve problems like that on your own. I pulled up the annual sunflowers from the edges of the fields, shoved them underneath the tires and was able to get myself, and the car, unstuck. Both of us were impressively muddy. That prime rib sure was good eatin'.
Now THIS is a story I'd love to read about. Wow! Since you spent some time there, you have a deeper perspective. (And....the prime rib! RIGHT?!)
So I had to create an account just to comment - and, girl, I feel ya. I grew up in small town Alabama and this post feels eerily similar to a lot of my own experiences. I cannot even begin to illustrate all of the parallels between this article and my own reality. Everything from the brain drain, to mindless obedience, to having to behave or dress a certain way to fit in... etc. I'm just like you in a sense, looking for the real people with the real personalities. I will say, I feel seen. I'm not the only person on the planet like this. Thank you for this article. I read the whole thing, and while I'm not much of a writer at all, I do feel inspired. Because let me tell you, I have a whole lifetime of crazy stories to tell!
You know, Alabama is one place I only drove through briefly once in 2010, but have been meaning to do the Deep South over again. I was recently impressed in Georgia by how friendly everyone was, but haven’t gone past there for some time.
Did you ever read The Lost Continent? Bill Bryson drove across American looking for the perfect town. The first two sentences are "I come from Des Moines. Somebody had to." You might enjoy it.
OHHHHH! I remember that line! Did not remember that was the theme of the book. Must revisit. My favorite book by him is called AT HOME, where he uses everyday objects found around the house to tell the story of how they came to be. (Like beds! Fascinating!)
I love At Home. I love everything he writes, and I was thinking as I was reading this (excellent) piece that you write like Bill Bryson writes (making me giggle and think at the same time), and that is probably one of the highest compliments I could give a humour writer!
Indeed high praise! I LOVE Billiam. Now I just need to have a library named after me in a university. 😂😂😂 (He has Bill Bryson Library at Durham. I drove by there once, saw it, and had to look up the backstory!)
I've read a lot of his books but not that one. It sounds good!
I am a born and raised midwesterner- little further south than where you were though down in Topeka, KS area. (Don’t come to Topeka, we do not have any of the wonderful things you seek except bangs (I can only say this as a certainty because I am a hairstylist.) Anywho, the Midwest is nice.
We don’t have Kum and Go’s in my area but the gas station clerks here know me basically by name and it’s not uncommon to get caught up in conversations that take entirely too long. I think it’s nice though - some of my most interesting conversations have happened while trying to leave a gas station - kinda a highlight of boring slow midwestern life I suppose.
Kansas City has a neat lock bridge that lovers leave locks on. And several neat little neighborhoods with cool shops and bars. Lawrence, KS is lovely for shopping on Mass. St. and nice locals and being a little bit of a hippy town. There’s some nice little vineyards around too - mostly west and south of Topeka. Wyldewood being the most notable.
So, I’d say yes - Midwest nice is a thing, maybe a little bit more so in Kansas than Nebraska or Iowa or perhaps it’s a being a local thing. Definitely a Lawrence KS thing in my opinion.
PS - Topeka isn’t worth a stop. It’s a black hole storms don’t even like to pass through. Seriously. The big ones always break up or go around Topeka. It’s probably because we have the Phelps and a bad meth issue here. But we also have the Lamp Post Dancer and an entire FB page devoted to WTF things happening around town. So I can’t say it’s not interesting… just not interesting in the way I would want to encourage anyone to come visit.
(I’ve managed to find home in a small town about 20 min away from the crazy but unfortunately that means I still work and do most everything in crazy town). For now.
This is AWESOME. I keep hearing about Kansas City--and will put Lawrence on the radar too! I’m on the hunt to find the world’s most livable towns that make you feel happy and proud to live in, and I do think the Midwest region has a lot to offer. Just gotta find it! 🌟 Thank you for taking the time to write! (Also, THANK GOD YOU DO BANGS!!!! Lol hair is seriously the bane of my existence.)
Sadly, I have to agree about Topeka. You might think the government of the state capitol of Kansas might spend a little more time and effort cleaning up the place… I get sad whenever I drive down Wanamaker or over into “downtown” - Topeka has no charm and it COULD! But, at least there is Runza.
Also I need to know where you find good Runza in Topeka. I had never even heard of it/had it till my bf mom gave me a recipe for a Runza casserole and we made it. (I must not be a good midwesterner since I’ve always lived here and never once had it.)
Please forgive me, as it would appear the Runza restaurant in Topeka is no longer open. Looks like the Lawrence Runza is the lone surviving location in the state of Kansas. Let's put one more checkbox in the "Reasons To Be Sad About Topeka" column.
So that’s another one for “Go to Lawrence Instead”! Lawrence now has nicer people, Runza, and better shopping. Thank you! Will have to make it a point to get over to Lawrence and check out that Runza place.
I second that decision. Lawrence is nicer all around, and it's not too far from Topeka.
Unfortunately the government or at least those that control the improvement budget have a never ending battle with potholes.
You're so not wrong. I have to laugh anytime I see news featuring the common prank of someone planting a tree in a pothole because it's been a pothole since the Reagan era.
Would you be so kind as to share the FB page of WTF things around your town? Your description could not embody the idea I, as an Australian, have of midwestern America more. I mainly gain this view from Small Town Murder and I irreverent writings of travellers, such as Ms Ambirge. It's on my bucket list to drive across the midwest, just because :)
It’s called “It is Topeka, My Dudes”
But did you try the RUNZA????
Made the round trip from Denver - Chicago… twice…never again 👀
I loved the bit about belonging. I’m looking for that too. Until then. Staying mobile, wild, and free makes me belong to where I am now!
Miss you. STUNNING PIECE made my Saturday night! (I too would do 300 burpees than be out late). Xoxox
Wait why don’t I know what the RUNZA is?!?! (And I am LOOOVINGGGG watching you soar, Anne!!!! Atta girl!!!!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻)
I live in Nebraska. I grew up in IA. I have lived on the West coast. I have worked in Manhattan. Sorry you didn’t “feel” warm. I felt you came in with a Pre-judgement and you judged. Makes me sad. We are all people. Need to find the joy in everyday. I have loved reading and learning from you but was disappointed this time. By the way, we know we are a “fly” over state/region. We are ok with that!
Awwww, but I loved Lincoln! That's why I was hoping more people who actually live there could offer some perspective. Especially because it seems like the region has a lot to offer and is growing.
This post rocked. I grew up in Missouri, and then lived in Seattle for quite a few years. In 2015 my partner and I decided to sell our house in South Seattle and go on the hunt for a more affordable place to live. We packed a couple bags and the dog in the car and went on the road for seven-ish months, staying in towns across the country for a couple weeks at a time to "test drive" them. We ended up back in the Midwest, north of where your tour took you, in the Twin Cities. I love it here but will confess, the Minnesota Nice (does every state have a Nice?) was confusing on a lot of levels. Seattle was the city of introverts. We lived in the same neighborhood for five years, took the dog on the same walk/run every day, saw the same neighbors and no one ever made eye contact much less introduced themselves. They have a name for that, too, BTW, it's the Seattle Freeze. The first week we were in MN a guy at a coffee shop said good morning and I was like "wtf dude, I'm married back off..." My partner nearly spit out his coffee, he was like "he's just being nice you wacko." People are polite, but also incredibly passive aggressive. The complete lack of direct communication is baffling. I've learned to translate Minnesota-speak, but it's taken a concentrated effort and people don't know what to do with me when I address conflict directly. I also think it's worse in the Upper Midwest than where I grew up, though maybe I just didn't notice it as a young person.
Well as a true blooded corn huskin Lincolnite lol. I almost peed my pants about three times in this post. First, I'm so proud of how brave and open minded you were going into this. IMPRESSIVE!!! BUT I have to ask.... DID YOU GET A RUNZA?? DID YOU TRY VALENTINOS PIZZA?? WHAT ABOUT AMIGOS!!! Those (and the Omaha Zoo) are the real beacons of 'The Good Life, Nebraska.'
Lol, It's so funny one of my besties sent me your blog knowing I'm 'corn fed.' But what she didn't know is, I'll be taking my first trip back home since 2017. I have been living in a much faster paced land full of creative, outspoken, sassy, cross dressing, tik toking influencers... CALIFORINA.
San Diego to be exact. AND BOY did I realize how SLOW everything was back in Nebraska. It will be very interesting to see how things have and have not changed. I'll keep you posted!!!!!
As soon as you said you were driving from Colorado to Iowa, I knew what was going to happen. You were going to pass through Nebraska. I couldn't wait to hear about your experience, and it didn't disappoint. I was born in Lincoln, and grew up in the Western end of the state, and now I live in Austin, of course. At one point I moved back to live in my grandma's basement for a summer. She might be related to the winery owner. Barely 5' tall, fluffy white hair permed on the regular, and always insisted on getting the check for lunch....at Runza! I can't believe you didn't go to a RUNZA!! It's the best. It's like a hamburger, but with the bun wrapping all the way around, and instead of lettuce, you have roasted cabbage and onion (+cheese?) on the inside. In Lincoln, did you stop by the Mill for coffee? I went there every morning to study and have a Granita (frozen cold brew + milk) before going to work at "The Night Before Lounge." It was the last great summer of my adulthood, sigh. And the real estate! You could buy a Victorian mansion close to downtown for, like, a hundred dollars.