Immortalizing your weird wallpaper choices since 2025. Perfect for milestone birthdays, anniversaries, move-outs, pre-demolitions and renos, sentimental family heirlooms, and just because you can
commission me to come to come write about *your* house & town
new for 2026!
But, what if walls *could* talk?
Your home tells its story in floorboards, paint colors, and stubborn quirks. Your town has its own special things, too: the diner where you had your first job. The baseball field where you watched your kids grow up. You & your partner's favorite wine bar down on Main Street. My job? To write it all down and create a wonderful keepsake family heirloom.
- The original leaded-glass window that refuses to shut all the way—inviting in both fresh air and every neighborhood draft since 1923.
- The oak banister, worn smooth by four generations of hands, polished more by sweat than shellac.
- The dining room ceiling medallion—faux-Victorian, overly ornate, and somehow still convinced it belongs in the Louvre.
- The radiator that bangs like a percussion section—your home’s own architectural jazz.
- The terrazzo floor in the foyer, fashionable once, ironic now, eternal either way.
- The clawfoot tub that looked glamorous in the realtor’s photos but has mostly functioned as an expensive laundry basket.
- The attic beams, each stamped with the sawmill’s original marks—a literal time signature hidden in the rafters.
- And all the weird, wild, wonderfully quirky things that make your home, your town, and your place, yours.
Here’s what I do: I fly in and spend one to three days with your house, your property, and your town. I observe, I listen, I document. I become the nosy, smart-mouthed house anthropologist your floorboards never asked for. And then I write its biography.
Not a real estate listing. Not a glossy magazine feature. A 25-100 page micro book. About your house, property and town. Written in my signature irreverent voice.
The result? A one-of-a-kind, laugh-out-loud, maybe-cry-a-little chronicle of your home’s design and history. The quirks, the creaks, the finishes, the flaws—the whole messy, marvelous personality of the place you live.
📖 This isn’t just a keepsake book.
It’s a house biography. An artifact. A way of saying: this place mattered.
Commission me to come write an heirloom book about *your* house + favorite place!
house + heirloom = "house heirloom." and it's the coolest new way to document your life.
houseography with ash
A biography of your house
Whether you're renovating an old Victorian, building the home of your dreams, or leaving the home you spent the last 20 years raising your kids in, let's document the details and turn ’em into literature—because your radiator deserves a starring role, your avocado fridge deserves a eulogy, and your bathroom tile deserves to be roasted for eternity.
written in a fun, clever voice
What you’ll get isn’t some dry historical record—it’s a book that actually makes you want to read about your own house. My writing is irreverent, fun, and impossible to forget: equal parts architectural anthropology and cheeky roast. Think less “formal appraisal” and more “your banister gets its own personality profile.” You’ll laugh, you’ll nod, and ten years from now you’ll still be quoting lines back at each other because the words stick the way house quirks do—permanently.
turned into an heirloom book!
Bound, printed, and designed to sit on your coffee table or be passed down through generations, it transforms everyday quirks into a permanent record. Long after the walls are painted over or the house changes hands, the story of this place—its character, its imperfections, its heartbeat—remains preserved. It’s not just décor; it’s a family artifact you can hold in your hands.
- PRICE TBD - all inclusive (travel included)
- 1-day on site at your house, wherever you are :)
- a 50-page hardcover house capsule delivered straight to your doorstep in just 8 weeks!
Option A: just the house
Because a house doesn’t live in a vacuum—it lives on land. This fun, 2-day on-site package (plus 4-6 weeks to write and produce your book!) includes the setting: the porch that sags just enough to feel like home, the maple tree planted the year you moved in, the stretch of field where kids (or dogs) ran wild, the garden hose eternally tangled in its own drama. It’s the story of the house and the ground it calls its own.
- PRICE TBD - all inclusive (travel included)
- 2-days on site at your house + property, wherever you are :)
- a 75-page hardcover house capsule delivered straight to your house in just 8 weeks!
Option B: the House + the property
Every house is shaped by its surroundings. This fun, 3-day on-site package (plus 6-8 weeks to write and produce your book!) zooms out to include the town that raised you. I’ll walk Main Street, sniff around your diners and dive bars, and peek behind the historical facades. Think of it as a biography that doesn’t stop at the threshold—it honors the landmarks, the gossip, and the texture of place that makes your home part of a larger story. Your house + your town = a living, breathing time capsule.
- PRICE TBD - all inclusive (travel included)
- 2-days on site at your house & property + 1 day on-site in your town
- a 100-page hardcover house capsule delivered straight to your house in just 8 weeks!
Option C: the HousE + the property + the town
It’s too easy to forget. The corner of the nursery where you rocked your first baby to sleep, half-asleep yourself, staring at the same patch of peeling wallpaper night after night. The exact spot in the kitchen where you were standing when the call came through about that promotion—the one that changed everything. The dining room where birthdays blurred together in frosting and candle wax, the grooves in the table telling their own story. The stairwell where your teenager sat in the dark after curfew, pretending not to be caught. The back porch where you laughed too loud with friends on summer nights, fireflies rising up like confetti.
THE Process
Pick your package! Go through our step-by-step booking system, guiding you through the options, # of books, dates and times, and agreement.
Step one
Submit a 25% deposit to reserve your space! Afterward, choose your own payment plan . :)
Step two
Fill out our awesome new client guidebook, walking both of us through the most important things you'd love to capture.
Step three
Over the course of the next 4-6 weeks, your HOUSE HEIRLOOM gets written! Ash will check in with you periodically for reference & approvals.
Step five
Get ready & receive Ash at the door! 💃 Ash will be on site for a total of 1-3 days, 8am - 4pm, depending on the package you've chosen.
Step four
On weeks 6-8, your book goes into production! We'll handle all of this for you, so the final product—your gorgeous heirloom book(s)—shows right up at your doorstep, ready to be devoured by your family over pizza night! (And kept forever and ever.)
Step six
have another idea in mind?
for other writing commissions for articles, magazines, columns, books, brands, or something fun & personal, reach out to:
ash@ashambirge.com
