WRITE SPUNKY, LIFE-CHANGING NEWSLETTERS, EMAILS, COLUMNS, POSTS, ESSAYS & iDEAS THAT MAKE 'EM WANT YOU. HARD.
THE CROWBAR WRITING WORKSHOP is a fearless new writing workshop that teaches you how to (finally) show up online and share your ideas in a big, bold, brave new way—and start writing the kind of newsletters, emails, columns, posts, essays, and ideas that cement your voice as unforgettable in your industry.
Because not having enough guts in your writing is the only thing stopping you from being *lethal*.
What if you could write the kinds of things that would make strangers remember you like their first kiss?
What if you could take the electric storm inside your chest and plug it straight into another human being?
What if you could write the kinds of things that leave someone punch-drunk, nerve-jacked, and spellbound like they just bit down on a comet? (Though, fair warning, dental insurance does not cover intergalactic rock chomping.)
What if you could write a sentence that feels like home to someone who has never found one?
What if you could rearrange someone’s insides with nothing more than twenty-six letters?
What if you could smuggle ideas past someone’s defenses like a thief in the night—and they thank you for it?
What if you could build entire worlds, entire empires, entire legacies, using nothing more than this strange little written code?
What if you could make a reader forget, for one sacred moment, that they are mortal?
And…what if you could do all of this while building a fierce body of work that not only pays the bills but builds real wealth, real freedom, and a reputation that belongs entirely to you. No gatekeepers. No permission slips. No one to impress but yourself. Just you, your words, and an internet connection—the most powerful printing press the world has ever known.
Could it change your career, your money, and your life, forever?
You bet your keyboard it can.
What if you could write the kinds of things that could make someone absurdly, deliriously, irrationally blood-mindedly hypnotized?
Your Writing Only Has One Job, and That's to Hit 'Em in the Face With a Crowbar
But, it comes from a line I used to say when being interviewed about my irreverent style of writing:
“Your job is to hit ‘em in the face with a crowbar.”
And, it’s wickedly true: *this* is your job as a person who is here with us, on this weird little internet island, trying to make your mark, or make your living, or make an impact, or make it rain. 💰💸
You cannot do this without strong, sharp, magnetic writing that compels people to say “oh my GUGGING GUDDDDD, I'm having a SEIZURE over what this person is doing over here.” (Which is the highest compliment available on the internet, second only to an unhinged comment in ALL CAPS.)
Whether it’s:
- The newsletter they wait for in their inbox like it’s the universe’s last good tab.
- The personal essay that cements your voice as unforgettable in your industry.
- That first email announcing your new thing—the one that needs to sound more like a shot of espresso than a hostage letter.
- That LinkedIn post that cuts through the 40,000 posts about “gratitude” and makes people actually pay attention to you.
- The About Page that makes strangers fall in love with you instead of wondering if you’re a pyramid scheme.
- The fundraising letter that pulls in $50,000 because you made people feel something.
- The email sequence that doesn’t just sell a product—it sells a vision of who someone gets to become.
- The op-ed that changes the conversation at the national level.
- The brand story that finally makes sense of your entire existence and positions you as inevitable.
This is the work to be done.
To make yourself unmissable, undeniable; to rip the hinges off the doors of your industry and strut right through; to crank out work so sharp it could cut glass; to look at your own newsletter, your own posts, your own essays, your own articles, and feel a pride that steadies you, that roots you; a pride so real it almost hurts, because it feels like finally meeting yourself on the page.
When you own your words, we believe you.
It changes everything—how you show up, how boldly you sell, how proud you feel putting your work into the world. It shifts how you share an offer, how excited you are to take up space, to be seen, to fling the doors wide open and invite people straight into your brain, your world, your story.
Great internet writing is the difference between shrinking in with a half-apology, and showing up with that big, magnetic, irresistible energy ⚡️ that makes people want to lean closer.
When you have the words? You don’t just have an audience. You have leverage. You have freedom. You have the world.
BECAUSE IF YOUR WORDS STORM THE WORLD, SO DO YOU.
Weak Sentences Don't Just Fail to Represent You—They Erase You.
They're self-sabotage under the disguise of 'professionalism': they tell the world you’re smaller than you are.
Weak sentences don’t just undersell you—they tell the wrong story, a lesser story, and the world believes it.
Words are proxies for your presence. And weak words are like sending a cardboard cutout to a dinner party and expecting anyone to remember you were there.
Or trying to roar, but coming out with a teeny, tiny little wheezy cough.
Or like whispering your name into a hurricane.
*You* need to be the hurricane.
Here's the Delicious News: You Can Write Brilliant. Spunky. Neon. Unmissable. Words.
it's a skill you can ✨learn✨ —and have fun doing it. which is why this is the most useful skill-building workshop on the internet: you'll use it to continually edit the direction of your life in your favor, forever.
Imagine all of the extra wealth, stability, and peace of mind you can build over the course of your lifetime, just from knowing how to write things people crave? Imagine the additional income and opportunities you can create for yourself, with your own two hands? Imagine if sales weren't hard anymore, and money flowed easily, and everybody was overjoyed to give you their hard-earned money, because they are intoxicated by your vibe, your ideas, and the way you electrify their inbox?
There are few other things that can give you this kind of investment. Because, it's an investment in your own earning power—without ever needing someone to make you a job offer again.
When you learn how to write with guts, spunk, and power, you stop whispering in hurricanes—you become the weather.
That’s what THE CROWBAR WORKSHOP is here to do:
To give you the skills, the practice, and the spunky, fearless framework for writing words that don’t just exist on the internet, but electrify it.
Because when you learn to wield your words like this, you don’t just get attention. You get traction. You get trust. You get paid.
And that’s when everything changes.
THE INTERNET'S MOST FEARLESS WRITING WORKSHOP
/ CROWBAR /
How to Write Online with Spunk, Guts & Gravitas (So You Can Stop Settling and Start Doing What You Were Meant To Do)—A Fearless Skill-Building Workshop for Writers, Marketers, Newsletterists, Internet People, and Brands Who Want to Breakthrough the Boring and Build Something 🏴☠️ Unforgettable 🏴☠️ With Their Words.
inside of crowbar, you're going to learn:
the four crowbars of big, spunky, profound writing
WRITING WORKSHOP NO. 1
No. 1 | The Swerve Writing Technique
In the first module of our course, I'm going to teach you the #1 most fundamental principle of THE CROWBAR METHOD: How to Swerve With Your Writing. Here, we'll study how to catch people off guard with your words and instantly light their brain on fire. Because if the human brain thinks it knows what you're going to say? It's programmed to save energy and skip over it. You cannot be skippable. This isn't just about a "hook," as you're probably familiar: rather, this is about learning how to break patterns, defy expectations, and slip in sharp left turns all the way throughout the page, making a reader excited—thrilled— to see what you're going to say next. Like you're taking them on a rollercoaster ride, except every turn reveals a truth they didn’t know they were looking for, every drop knocks the air from their lungs, and by the time the ride ends, they’re not the same person who got on.
That’s what keeps them strapped in. That’s what keeps them reading. There must be tension, and there must be thrill. I'm going to show you how to incorporate both of these things.
writing workshop no. 2
No. 2 | The Snap Writing Technique
In the second module, I'm going to teach you one of the most underused techniques in the world (that all brilliant writers do). I call this "Snap" because as we work our way down the page, we will inevitably start to get lazy. We will start to use cliché, tired phrasing. And we will totally underestimate how damning this is for everything. So? Time to snap out of it—and ADD some snap to your words.
In this module, I'm going to teach you maybe my FAVORITE technique for keeping your writing crisp, alive, effervescent, and interesting. (Even if you happen to feel like a bag of moldy donuts.) This technique is one you can use anywhere, anytime, on anything you're writing—but it is particularly effective at keeping one's attention, once you've managed to earn it. We must not just write; we must make our words cinematic—and that's what makes them addictive to read.
writing workshop No. 3
No. 3 | The Shift Writing Technique
All brilliant writing accomplishes something very specific for the reader that isn't always obvious. It's not about conveying information, or offering up ideas, or sharing a day in the life. (Though it may seem so on its face, especially in the online world.) Rather, all brilliant writing offers a gift to the reader, and that gift?
Is the gift of a new lens.
Inside of this module, I'll teach you how to shift your reader's perspective, reframing ordinary points into powerful, megawatt punches. It’s the skill of taking what everyone else is saying—and tilting the lens so your version feels brand new. Shift is how you turn clichés into revelations, how you get people to nod, laugh, or gasp in recognition. Instead of adding to the noise, you’ll cut through it by making people see the world differently—through your eyes.
And, it's one of the most important skills any writer could have. Because it's not just about hitting 'em across the face with a crowbar *curtsies*: it's about giving them one of their own.
writing workshop No. 4
No. 4 | The Sear Writing Technique
And, finally, in our last module, I'm going to teach you what I call the "Sear Technique." Sear makes sure your message doesn’t just land—it lingers, burned into memory, offering a satisfying payoff that feels profound and complete.
This is the art of crafting closings that stick, lines that echo in someone’s head for days, words that become quotable. With Sear, your writing won’t fizzle out and feel like a movie with a disappointing ending; it’ll brand itself on your reader’s brain, making you the person they remember when they need the very thing you offer. It’s how you go from “a good read” to “holy sh*t, I’ll never forget that.” And, it's the final and ultimate gift you must give to your reader: the gift of a satisfying payoff.
And no brilliant writing can ever be complete without it.
do anything you want with brilliant f**king writing
Sell your courses and digital products to massive fanfare 🎉 & worldwide customers…without ads
Get completely booked out with your service-based business 🧾 (and have to raise your prices!)
Gain much-needed traction (finally 😮💨) and have clients lining up to work with you
Build an audience to publish your book 📖, or launch your product, or sell your grandmother’s cookie recipes
Make marketing feel easy and fun again 🥳 and create a real and tangible business asset that can be sold with your business someday 💰 (that's what a newsletter is!)
Have a waitlist for your work 📝 (or seven), and only take on the kinds of clients you enjoy working with
Build your name + reputation 💪 and become an instant authority (writing consistently online instantly catapults your status)
Use your online content to 3x, 5x, 10x your sales ⚡️ in a way that feels good, dead simple, and never sleazy
Turn your online content & newsletter into your #1 sales channel 🏆—and be shocked at how easy it is to grow your business when you just do this one simple thing
How It Works
the crowbar writing workshop is an on-demand video course, available to watch anytime.
This is a fundamental writing course that you can use to instantly elevate your writing in a matter of hours, anytime you want to cozy up with a cup of coffee and a notebook.
the workshop will be released on OCTOBER 24TH, '25 FOR VIP EARLY BIRDS!
The workshop will be released on October 24th, 2025 for VIP early birds—sort of like your favorite new show on Netflix. You'll automatically receive an email and log in instructions you can use to access the course anytime.
purchase now as a VIP early bird and get the *mega bonus package*! (seriously, it's gooood.)
There is a crazy, wonderful, super fun, super exciting bonus package available to anyone pre-ordering this course as a thank-you for doing so. See below or click here to view the bonuses!
exclusively for early bird vips
Pre-Order The Crowbar Writing Workshop Today, Before October 15th, and Get The Bonus "Newsletter Tech" Workshop, Free!
buy now before wednesday, october 15th to automatically get:
THE /CROWBAR/ NEWSLETTER TECH WORKSHOP, 100% FREE!
- What platform do I use—Substack, Kit, Flodesk, Beehiiv, or the one that looks like it was designed on a potato?
- How do I set it all up the easy, smart way (even if I’m not techy???)
- What about landing pages? And opt-in forms? And how do I connect these to my website? (Or, what to do if I don’t have one???)
- How do I connect my domain so my newsletter doesn’t come from noreply@embarrassment.biz?
- Do I need a logo? A header? A spiritual awakening?
- When’s the best time to send—Tuesday at 9am, or whenever my anxiety peaks?
- How often should I send before people start issuing a restraining order?
- Do I need a welcome sequence, or can I just wink aggressively at new subscribers?
- Which metrics actually matter, and which ones are just digital horoscopes?
- And, most importantly—how do I make this fun again? Because if it feels like a chore, I’ll procrastinate so hard I’ll end up cleaning my oven instead.
the free bonus workshop is huge. but, there's more.
You Also Get The VIP Early Bird Mega Bonus Package!
Here’s what you get if you pre-order this course now as an early bird VIP.
1 FREE credit 🌟 to use at my new pop-up creative writing studio! (Launching January 2026).
1 credit = 1 page of copy. Send me a sad, lifeless page (About, Bio, Elevator Pitch, Welcome Email, Sales Email, Opt-In Page, Product Description, Book Blurb, whatever), and I’ll resurrect it into something bold, gutsy, and un-ignorable. Think necromancy for copy.
🎧 The Audiobook Version of The Crowbar Writing Workshop
Perfect for walkers / drivers / multitaskers. I’ll talk you through the ideas as another fun, useful ASHTASTIC way to learn. (Hi!)
🎁 3 (free!) course gift codes to give to friends
The COOLEST holiday flex. That’s right, when you buy now as an early bird VIP, you’re also going to get 3 secret gift codes for The Crowbar Writing Workshop to gift to friends in time for the holidays. (Value: $891) Psst: they’ll never know you got it for free. 🙂
🔥 A private invite to the “Crowbar VIP Party”
On Friday, November 21st at 11am ET, I’m throwing a LIVE Zoom party where you can toss a piece of your latest writing into the ring. I’ll pull ten lucky names out of the hat for a live review + critique—so we can all watch, laugh, and learn together. (Because nothing bonds people like roasting bad sentences into brilliance.) Recording will be available.
🐣 Anddddd! Early Access
Get The Crowbar Writing Workshop a whole week early before anyone else. Because, we've got **** to do!
Sound Deliciously Fun? Uber Practical? Something Your Creativity—And Life—Needs?
let's lock in your early bird vip bonuses!
Hey there!
I'm ash
YOUR spunky WRITING INSTRUCTOR
I'm an author, blogger, internet writer, and entrepreneur, and I've been teaching people + brands how to write sharp, spunky, effervescent words online since 2009. I've given hundreds of creative writing classes over the last 15 years, and have had tens of thousands of students from all over the world!
If you want this to be the year that you *finally* commit to:
Writing with guts, spunk, and power so you become unmissable, undeniable, unforgettable.
Building a fierce body of work that pays the bills and builds wealth, freedom, and reputation.
Showing up with energy instead of apology—no more shrinking into the background.
Creating the kind of writing people wait for—the emails, posts, pages, and essays they actually look forward to opening.
Making your career inevitable by ripping the hinges off the doors of your industry and strutting right through.
Being the hurricane, not the whisper.
100%
money back
guarantee
Try The Crowbar Writing Workshop for 30 days.
I'm proud to offer a 30-day, 100% money-back guarantee. Just write to ash@ashambirge.com within 30 days of purchase and we'll get you sorted if it isn't the right fit for you!
This *is* for you if:
You write online (or want to start!)
You want your newsletters, emails, sales sequences, and posts to be UNSTOPPABLE
You're a self-directed learner who digs video courses & wants to refer back to it forever!
It's probably *not* for you if...
You write long-form, like books or novels
You're looking for a sales conversion course
You'd prefer a course with live feedback and group calls
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I already took your Meat & Hair creative writing class? Is this the same?
This is def 100% different from Meat & Hair. As much as I LOVEEEEE that class, that one is more about sentence-level editing techniques to make you writing zhuzh-y, and this is more about: What do you write? How do you write it? And, how can you write things people actually want to read?
What if I already took your Freakstreak Newsletter Challenge? Is this the same?
Nope! This course focuses on writing brilliantly as a skill, and is much larger than the smaller scope of newsletters.
What kind of writing does this teach?
This specializes in online content writing & spunky storytelling, primarily blogs, newsletters, thought leader posts (like LinkedIn), and sales emails.
Do I need this? What kind of writers / humans / aliens should take this?
If you write online, or want to, this is an excellent course for you. It's also perfect for brands who need to make their storytelling (way) more addictive (and stay out of generic territory!)
What is the workshop format? Are there live classes?
The Crowbar Writing Workshop is a video course and does not contain live instruction.
When is the workshop being released? When will I have it?
It's releasing publicly on November 1st, 2025, and a week early to early bird VIPs on Oct. 24th, 2025!
Do I need to do anything to get it? How is it delivered?
You don't have to do a thing! Once you purchase, you'll receive a receipt, and on October 24th, you'll receive an email to your inbox with access instructions. (And all of your bonuses!)
Is there a refund policy? How can I make sure you're not a serial killer?
Good news: not a serial killer! (Yet.) You may request a full refund within 30 days of purchase, anytime, by writing to: ash@ashambirge.com
Still on the Fence?
Email anytime to ash@ashambirge.com. :)
