Dear World: I Have Been Baptized in Glitter and Bacon Grease

10/12/2025

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  1. Andrea Wood says:

    I hope you saw her car parked across the street. It’s the icing on the beautiful cupcake that she is… one of the kindest people.

  2. Elle Wolfe says:

    Unless—unlesssssss—I dress for my body type. Which, for clarification, is somewhere between “retired linebacker” and “bouncer with feelings.” Ash, you’re ridiculously funny. Had me crying laughing here.

    P.S. I can totally picture Chrissy, she seems awesome!!

  3. ShinyGirl says:

    This is one of my favorite pieces you’ve written. You are the hype team. The cheer squad. I feel this – like it’s happening. We just had our first annual Goat Beauty Pageant Rodeo. It was silly as hell. We had three goats and 22 people showed up. Each goat had a bio that was read as she walked the runway. And she had a walk on song. Thelma’s was Girl on Fire. Friday’s was I’m just a Girl and Louise walked to So What by Pink. It was fabulous. And we raised $1045 for the AFSP. It was a dream and it came true. Next year shall be lit. Thanks Ash – always.

    • Ash Ambirge says:

      THAT IS SO FUN!!!! And, I mean, if you’re not having fun, what the hell are we all doing?????????? Yes, yes, YES!!!!! Oh, how I wish you could attach photos to these comments. 🤣

  4. Liis says:

    Thank god for Chrissy.

  5. Jorunn Hernes 🇳🇴 says:

    No to eel eggs. Absotively posolutely yes to showing up as your authentic self.

    • Ash Ambirge says:

      I’m assuming eel eggs are a real thing people eat, right? LOL. I completely just made it up when thinking of one of the grossest things I could imagine at a sushi restaurant hahahahahaahahahahah

      • Jorunn Hernes 🇳🇴 says:

        I eat salmon eggs though. For real. With pleasure. Eels eggs sound disgusting. Don’t know why. You probably won’t like salmon eggs. I don’t like oysters. Everyone I know loves oysters but I don’t. I like the sparking that they’re served with so I just drink more of that.

  6. Kari Roetman says:

    My order of entry is boobs. Then arms. And whoever decided the sleeve length on women’s T-shirts can rot.

  7. Lee Romano Sequeira, CSMS says:

    YESSS! A thousand times yes! If my wine bar isn’t channeling sophistication and my sports bar isn’t screaming ‘touchdown!’, what’s up? And ‘optimized’? That’s just the icing on your perfectly themed cake — you are quite the pastry chef, Ash!! 😉
    p.s. I have a feeling if we ever went to brunch, we’d cause a scene—in a good way, of course. Think dramatic gasps over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and spontaneous twirls!

    • Ash Ambirge says:

      Spontaneous twirls are my love language, ha!!!!!!!!!!! I miss salsa dancing!

      • Lee Romano Sequeira, CSMS says:

        I bet we crossed paths at the same places in Philly without knowing each other—we were probably too busy twirling and whirling. 😉

  8. A.J. Craft (Craft Media) says:

    I naturally assumed YOU were the woman in sequins at 9am.

  9. Justyna Frank says:

    “Some of us weren’t built for ‘effortless.’ Some of us were built for impact.” From now on, I will think of this quote whenever I’m hanging out with my twiggy and willowy 5’8″, size-2-jean-wearing friends. Thank you, sir!

  10. Marlo Fisken says:

    this is a PIECE. 🩵🙏

  11. Evolet Yvaine says:

    Ixnay on the eel eggs-ay, as well. So, did Chrissy work there? LOL You said she signed your check. Just curious. I think we all need to encounter a Chrissy at some point. Makes the world go round. LOL

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